Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Every MOH has a HOH!

I am officially a Foreign Service Officer! That still sounds so weird to say. So many years prepping for this moment, so many months wading through the application process, and now here I am, a State Department employee! Don't mind me while I sit here and do my happy dance.

To overuse my school analogy, today was like class registration. Except for the part where we swore to uphold the Constitution. I feel very lucky to have already held two jobs in my life that require me to pledge allegiance to this country. Even though this wasn't my first time saying the oath, it still gave me goose bumps!

“I, Super Happy Brand New FSO, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion, and I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.”

We spent the rest of the day listening to fascinating power point presentations about health insurance, retirement benefits, and various other administrivia. My favorite speaker dropped by at the end of the day to discuss traveling for State. During the Q&A portion, the subject of marriage while at post came up. In no uncertain terms, the speaker informed us that there's no problem "acquiring" a husband when you're abroad. Glad to know it's no more complicated than picking up a piece of antique furniture or a handwoven rug!

Now of course he was teasing, but this made me think about my own situation and two of my favorite Foreign Service acronyms: MOHs and HOHs. Since Gene and I aren't married, in the eyes of the government he's my Member of Household [MOH] and I'm the Head of Household [HOH]. I'll wait for the jokes to stop.

Still waiting.

Ok. Whether or not we'll get married has to be one of the most frequently questions we get asked, right after "where are you going?" and "what will he do?" So here's a quick explanation for those of you who haven't heard our decision: we aren't rushing to the alter. Neither of us wants to get married before we're ready just because it's convenient and we'd get more money, although the extra money sure would be nice...I'm unbelievable lucky to have a boyfriend who is so supportive of me taking this job that I want to make sure I'm equally supportive for him. It will take some time to figure out what he can do abroad and if this lifestyle really is for him. I'm pretty certain it is for me, but this is my dream, and I don't see the need in putting any undue pressure on him or our relationship. Plus, there's no reason to hurry down the aisle towards yet another acronym: EFM [Eligible Family Member]. Although it does beat the slightly pejorative "trailing husband."

Now the paperwork is done, my freshly printed badge is in hand, and A-100 training begins tomorrow!

8 comments:

  1. Welcome to the FS. I felt bad for y'all yesterday when you were in the badge line. It looked at times like grass was growing around your feet!

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  2. Welcome to the Foreign Service!

    Is your boyfriend going to Post with you? I am taking the "geographically single" train and leaving mine here in DC, so I always keep my eyes out for those who take the MOH route to see how they work it.

    I have heard of some cases where people get assigned to common law countries where live-in boyfriends are afforded the same privileges as spouses (no departmental benefits like health insurance, evac, and passports-- but reciprocal work visas which are almost as good!)

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  3. Digger-I waited in line for three hours to get my picture taken. Not as long as for some other classes, but still pretty slow...

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  4. Thanks, damandac!

    I'm also going to be "geographically single", at least in the beginning. That's a great term! He'll still be working in DC and trying to figure out future employment and/or grad school opportunities. I didn't know that about common-law countries though! It's always nice to find other female FSOs in the same situation =)

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  5. I'm joining the geographically single club too! Gotta love it. And it is always nice to know there are others out there who aren't in any of the more easily defined State Dept categories. I hate checking the "single" box on forms, but "married" scares me too. Haha. Hope you're having fun in A-100! Seeing you guys taking over the cafeteria is fun. :)

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  6. Best of luck with the FS! I enjoy reading your blog, so I have added a link to it on mine.

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  7. Pantsuits and PearlsMay 26, 2010 at 4:02 AM

    Thanks so much, Daniela!

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  8. I respect that you need to make whatever decision is best for you.

    Having traveled with a MOH, I encourage you to consider the following:

    1- Your MOH won't have dip immunity. This may not matter now but at some point in the future, you could be at a post where it will.

    2- Your MOH will not have his travel costs covered. Again, no problem if you're driving to Tijuana. But if you're assigned somewhere that's not well-serviced by flights it will add-up. (see also point 6.)

    3- Your MOH will not get health insurance under DoS. If your MOH has (or ever develops) a pre-existing condition, maintaining his insurance can be massively difficult and expensive. Or impossible.

    4- Your MOH will not have medevac benefits under DoS. Even with other medevac insurance, stuff you could get treated in-country but would rather not may not be covered. Not everything an EFM would normally get medevaced for would be an "emergency" in the rushing-to-the-hospital sense. Most of the close, English-speaking places in the world for medical care are more expensive than getting something similar done at home. Even if this is not the case to get the medical task done, then certainly to set-up shop in-country until he recovers and completes follow-up appointments. (I'm thinking Germany, Singapore, London, etc.)

    5- Your MOH will not have formal visa support. Consider the logistics of how he would get a long-term visa to stay with you. Would he have to travel as your "employee?" Would he have to leave the country every "x" number of days, stay out for a period of time, and then reapply for or reset his visa? How often? What if he's not allowed entry? How much would these side trips cost?

    6- Your MOH can only apply for open jobs at the Embassy after all eligible EFMs are considered. This significantly narrows his pool of opportunities if he doesn't speak the language at a working level and reduces his chances of getting his own clearance- making him less employable at your next posts (or domestically back in DC) in the future.

    7- Your MOH will not be eligible for certain types of other Embassy assistance. Find a post MOH policy. It will have details about what is possible. Not every post has them, but I believe the FLO has samples from around the world. You could start by asking there. Read between the lines- what's NOT covered? (i.e.- getting a visitor's badge is nice, but not being allowed to access the MED unit's supply of expensive malaria medication isn't.)

    8- If the $h*t really hits the fan, your MoH will not be officially evacuated. If he's a U.S. citizen the Embassy will, of course, try to help him anyway. But he's not entitled to the employee treatment and emergency evacuation is expensive.

    It's a short list and not comprehensive, but my point is that you're making the choice to have him live for an extended period of time overseas without the DoS "safety net."

    Bottom line- people will probably go out of their way to help you. But one person can make the difference. It's better peace of mind not to depend on the kindness of others for entitlements your boyfriend could have.

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